I’m waiting for someone to ask if the telly needs fixing and the bom chicka wah wah guitar music to kick in but no, the conversation goes on and on and on and I start to think that I’m in Bore-ville.Ĭouple break down, knock on nearby door for help, accidentally end up in the middle of a sexy swinging party. ‘Is there enough cereal for the week?’ ‘Do we need more bread?’ ‘What about milk?’. I start to eavesdrop on the conversation and it’s all a bit Sunday at Grandma’s… ‘They’re going to do some kind of bakery-based sex scene right here on the worktop!’ I think of Fanny Cradock and snigger. Soon enough, I’m shown into the kitchen and introduced to the ten-strong crew (who will remain nameless – another one of the prerequisites of my visit). The only thing that vaguely says ‘porno’ is the white drapes slowly dancing in the draft coming in from the courtyard – and that’s only because it reminds me of the soft core aesthetic: playful, airy and light. A house cat sleeps on a sofa, vases of flowers sit idyllically on a coffee table and the books on the shelves say ‘Sunday morning mass’ not ‘sex den’. Max Deeds on set for The Invitation (Picture: Joybear)Īs I enter the house everything is quiet. Two hours on the road (including a fascinating conversation on the merits of ‘soft’ cheeses) and we finally arrive at our secret destination and I’m allowed to remove the blindfold (joke). Needless to say I’m a bit on edge as I join Santos in Wimbledon and we make our way out of the city and into the wilds of Kent.
All I was allowed to do was get in the car with Santos, head into the countryside and hope that I wasn’t going to be dragged into the bushes and murdered (‘This is what happens to perverts when they enquire about visiting porn sets, Gareth! Undo your fly!’). Joybear nil).įive, I wouldn’t be told where I was going.
One, no wanking (okay, that was a rule I imposed on myself… I am not going through *that* Sunday School nightmare again). There was a week-long shoot coming up and he’d let me shadow him for a day as long as I adhered to some (strict) rules: A seven-day deodorant originally designed for WWII soldiers is blowing customers' minds
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